Holidays, a time for festivities, celebrations and happy memories are they not?
Peach, Passover, The Festival of Freedom evokes mixed feelings for me...
My parents grew up in New York City stifled between extended family and a close knit community. They chose to seek their freedom elsewhere and fled west.
West, my family migrated west through Rhode Island, California and eventually to the boondocks of a small town in British Columbia, Canada. My parents not only distanced themselves from their extended family but would up in a rural Christian community far away from any Jewish community.
We did not celebrate Jewish holidays, neither within the walls of our home nor outside of them. Certainly, there was a sense of solidarity with Israel within our home. In California we were close to a Jewish community and my parents did send me to Sunday school but for the most part that was the limit of their connection to the community. Don’t get me wrong, it was not that my family adopted the customs and holidays of our Gentile neighbors.
All of my best efforts to direct Santa to our home were fruitless and I awoke Christmas morn to an empty stocking on the fireplace mantel…
From the age of nine until eighteen I grew up in the sticks of Aldergrove, British Columbia. Upon our arrival to Canada, our contact with a Jewish community was limited. Any holiday celebrations or festivities were my production. The planning, organization and execution orchestrated by me and only me.
To this day I am uncomfortable having the Passover Seder in our home and I prefer to celebrate as a guest at one of my brothers’ homes.
A Time to Mourn:
At the tender age of but fifty four (Hey, that is my age +1 today and I don’t feel old in any way or any matter…) **and just days before the Seder, my father passed away. What a loss. Every year alongside the setting for the prophet Elijah I see all of the should’ve beens… Forevermore the should’ve been laughter of my father and his grandchildren will be interlaced echoing in the never never land of my dreams.
A Time to Remember:
We sat Shiva at my aunt’s home in New York for just a few days. Passover cut the Shiva forever short. I recall this time with fondness. It brings back warm memories full of laughter and tears. Our extended family was united in its grief. That was one of the last times that we all gathered together. Soon after my grandmother passed away and my grandfather was not long in following. A bitter battle ensued, another family war over inheritance left to run its course. Although I was pulled to take sides, I refused to take a stand. I loved my family and was not willing to relinquish my hold of any of the few ties which led me back to my father’s memory.
Holidays provide a fertile breeding ground for hostilities.
Anger it is,
Anger it is,
It is all “maror*”
Our muscles will become tense as the beast within us awakens. This is often the first signal that it is on the warpath. The deeper that the beast penetrates within, the more intense the muscle tension will become and it will inevitably burrow deep and expand its reach far beyond the original entry point.
Try, if you may, to recall an ugly incident of the past. Bring your very formidable adversary to front and center stage. Return to that moment and be present within your body: feel the anger raging havoc under your skin even now long after …
At its core anger is healthy.
It prompts us to immediate action in times of emergency. When dealing with frustration, stress and disappointment, anger may provide clarity and reveal the acute issue demanding our attention.
Anger as a way of life, however, is debilitating and can lead to chronic stress, hostility, depression, headaches, digestive issues, high blood pressure, heart attacks and stroke.
Most of us are familiar with the euphoric endorphins which happy thoughts, physical exercise, delicious chocolate and great sex will deliver. The body, however, knows many types of endorphins. Stress and anger will also trigger the release of endorphins. These endorphins will provide a quick fix of energy for “anger junkies” or people with an “addiction” to anger. While in the short term this may be very satisfying, in the long term it is detrimental to our health.
For a long time I fed my beast monstrous doses of anger and frustration and before long its presence could no longer be ignored.
My oh my, my fascia had quite a tale to tell. Much introspection was required to raise my self-awareness to a level where I learned to stop suppressing my feelings and listen to the beast, face and confront it.
Much to my surprise last Passover the beast reared its ugly head again.
I had forgotten the voracity of its power. Unpleasant impulses buried in me broke out and unleashed my rage upon another. In a place where I should have shown love and compassion only anger, deep anger appeared. After a time, it became clear to me that my anger was merely a projection of my own feelings of hurt and vulnerability. It appears that I tackled my feelings little more than surface deep. I needed to identify exactly where my anger was coming from. What was my core hurt? Was I feeling disregarded, unimportant, accused, guilty, untrustworthy, devalued, rejected, powerless or perhaps unlovable?
There is no quick fix. I continue to climb. Higher and higher I reach. The summit is on the horizon but it is not yet within my reach.
Life’s too short to live with anger.
Make your peace with the beast within you… ♥
* Marror – bitter herbs
If you have not yet read about the rocky part of my journey, you can read it here.
I would like to thank you for your patience in reading this post to its end.
If you liked what you read and you are not on my mailing list, you can sign up here. You will be among the first to receive my e-book: 16 Wayz to Navigate Your Health.
Finally I would like to request that you please share my powerful animated message!
https://youtu.be/IeO6BfGaP68
Join me: CHOOSE abundant whole health!
